Observing Others Shows Us Whether We Listen
Helping Lawyers Speak With Confidence
Effective leaders do two things well: They manage themselves and they lead others.
One of the areas effective leaders manage themselves in is communication practice. And as we have so often heard, a key to effective communication is powerful listening.
We can say we are good listeners, yet until we actually consider where our focus is we aren’t proving that our impact is effective. When was the last time we actually paid attention to the speaker instead of the voice in our head? When we manage ourselves, we manage our focus. And when we really start to focus on people talking to us, we will notice their nonverbal behavior, their comfort and any changes in their attitude.
How are people acting when they are in conversation with you?
Imagine the last fast-to-face conversation you had with someone on your staff. Picture their face. Did you look at their eyes? As we listen, we need to see their passions, their frustrations, and their excitement. We need to be affected by them and then ask more clarifying questions to test our interpretations.
Are they holding themselves away from you? Follow up with this. This could mean doubt, distrust, miscommunication, or even lack of esteem. These are the things we can be informed by, but only if we pay attention. Look for the hidden messages and care enough to find out. Your effectiveness as a leader will depend on your ability to notice the confidence, communication and capabilities of others.
Do your direct reports know you value their voice?
If we are not giving others the time to voice their concerns, their ideas or their accomplishments, we are showing them we are NOT listening. And the translation they will get is we don’t value them.
While you’re listening to others, take time off from your own tasks. If your employee is coming to you, they need you. Or maybe it’s a peer or even supervisor. Let your control be in finding out what they want or expect from the time with you. Then help them to move forward.
Do two things well.
Be honest – share your need to get back to other tasks, but also respect the issue that brings them to you. The best thing you can do, any time of any day, is be of value to someone else. This is what helps you feel good at the end of the day. Once you value someone else’s voice, you find others will value you as well. Look for the signs of people valuing you. Once you see them, you can be assured that you have done one thing well – managed yourself. Now you’re on the road to the second - leading others.
