Smart Questions Break Down Emotional Barriers

Helping Lawyers Speak With Confidence

One of the hardest things to do in difficult conversations is to be non-emotional. Often we show our emotion most when we make statements of fact or of opinion, so reverting to questions is something we could begin to focus on if we wish to become more effective in the conversation. We don’t have to search for answers, only questions. Especially smart questions.

The questions we often resort to begin with “Why?”…. Those often get us in trouble! What we want are smart questions so the listener stays objective and goes into their thinking brain rather than their emotional brain. And so do we!

Here are Ten Smart Open Questions:

What can I do to help you?
What has to be done?
Can you explain the process?
How do you feel about it?
Can you explain that further?
From what standpoint are you asking?
What are some of the reasons this didn’t work as well as we had hoped?
What can we change to make this work better?
What key results are we looking for?
From what standpoint do you ask?

Smart questions are irresistible. They make the most obstinate, closed-off, difficult person open up. People love to answer smart questions. As a result, we gain information in return. People pay more attention to a question than to statements. Hearing a question puts the listener on the alert. Tuck these ten smart questions into your mind for future use in almost any situation.

For instance, the times when you feel forced into reacting, hold off. Consider furthering the conversation by using something from this list of questions.

You will gain

More leverage
More INSIGHT
More emotional stability

when you resort to a smart question instead of sharing an opinionated reaction.

Key times to use Smart Questions:

To persuade
To gain information
To plant your own ideas
To clear up fuzzy ideas
To motivate
To solve problems
To take the sting out of criticism
To open lines of communication among diverse people and departments
To reduce mistakes
To overcome objections
To clarify instructions
To reduce anxiety
To defuse volatile situations
To gain control in risky situations

So often we think we need to know the answers during these key times. We don’t. Just think of a smart question to ask and then let others take their time with responding. This takes the pressure off everyone!